12. Everyday Etiquette for Office Life

Many offices are virtual beehives1 of social life, complete with their own

patterns of gift giving, party schedules, and customs and traditions.

Collections2 It is the custom in many American offices to take up collections to buy presents for births, weddings, birthdays, and other happy occasions. Many people willingly participate in this tradition, but many more undoubtedly resent3 the continual expense.

Office collections only work among co-workers who genuinely have some fondness for one another and when the demands aren't too high. They don't work when you're in an enormous office and you barely recognize the person to whom you're expected to give money. They also don't work when a set amount, which is often beyond some people's means, is expected.

Asking people to kick in a dollar or two is okay. Asking for ten or twenty dollars usually is not. Those who know the person and want to give more money may, but no one should ever feel obliged to give more than a dollar or two to an office collection.

If you're taking up the collection, you can ease the situation by asking only those who really know the recipient4 to participate. Rather than exclude anyone, though, offer the choice to someone who may not want to contribute:“ I'm taking up a

collection to buy Mary a wedding gift, but I know you don't know her, so I don't feel it's right to ask you.” That leaves the decision entirely in the hands5 of the giver. From the giver's point of view, once someone has let you off the hook6 in this way, you should feel no pressure to contribute. Another solution used in some offices is to pass around an envelope. Each person may anonymously7 contribute what he or she likes.

Office Parties Another office tradition is giving parties to celebrate big

events--baby showers,wedding showers, retirement parties,and the ubiquitous8 birthday parties. Strictly speaking,these ought not to be held on office time or

premises9,but they often are.Whenever possible,give major parties for co-workers at another location.Parties that take place at work, say, for a retirement or a birthday, should be kept fairly brief and subdued10. Some large offices merge11 events--that is,they have one birthday party in a month rather than a series of birthday

celebrations.

Gifts Most offices indulge in12 some form of gift giving, usually at holiday time. Bosses typically give gifts to their staff members, while employees are not obliged to give gifts in return. The exception is the secretary or personal assistant who wishes to give the boss a present. This gift can be very modest13, even if the boss's gift was lavish14. It would, in fact, be inappropriate for an employee to give an employer an elaborate15 or expensive gift. Some offices have a grab bag16 gift exchange, where everyone puts his name in a bag also draws the name of another worker. When these